I was back at my supermarket the exact moment I saw her last. Time to see if picking up girls in the grocery store actually works. Feels like only YESTERDAY I was this shy kid who wouldn’t be able to talk to girls. Not anymore. I was really hoping I’d run into her again. This girl, she was beautiful. It had been two weeks since I saw her last. I remember it clearly. I was walking through the aisles, minding my own business. Saw some kids breaking eggs and take off; YOLK everywhere. YOUTH these days. I turn back, and there she was. She came in fast and furious that day with her shopping cart; going straight for the YOGURT. Dannon Activia YOGURT to be exact. The one with Bifidus Regularis. Up until that day, I had no idea what that stuff even did, but apparently it’s good for you. And judging by her looks, it’s been doing her a whole lot of good. She picked up a whole bunch as they were on sale. 3 boxes, and she’s a coupon clipper. Cute. Just as I went over to talk to her, I YIELD. She receives a text message on her phone and scampers off, never to be seen again. What a shame, as I had my sexy black hat on, tilted, with a cool pair of black dress pants, and bad-ass pair of YACHT shoes on. That was me, a rebel.
So here I am, waiting. Persistent yes, but that’s how I roll. That’s my game. Little bit of scruff to make it seem like I didn’t care, but really I did, because I had shaved a day earlier on purpose. I’m such a geek; I hope she is too. She looked like she’s the type to dig beards. I YAWN. It’s been a long day. Just as my eyes open after the YAWN, there she is!! Looking all sexy again, this time in YOGA pants. My favorite. I say fuck it, YOLO, and walked up beside her as she starts picking up more YOGURT. Vanilla…just like her scent. I approach and say…YOGA anyone? She smiles and says ‘ohhh..yah I usually only wear them when I work out or do laundry…but I just had to restock on my YOGURT’. I say ‘Ya it’s good eh, the Bifidus Regularis is supposed to be crazy good for YOU.’ She said, ‘wow YOU really know your yogurt.’ I respond ‘Damn straight!’ She smiled. And asked while pointing, ‘So what’s up with that YELLOW apron?’ Surprised at first, I sheepishly look back to my cart and say ‘oh ya this, well, I heard women like a guy who can work well in the kitchen.’ She smiled again. I said ‘listen, I see you don’t have a shopping cart, but I got mine right here, I’ll make some space if you wanna load up your groceries. She said ‘Oh I duno’…and I said ‘oh come on, YOU think too much, here let me help you.’ I helped her put her groceries with mine. Slick move on my part, because now I can talk to her right up to the register. I asked if she wanted to jump on and take a spin as well, but she laughed and said no. We checked out, and rolled out into the parking lot and into the sunset together, well, at least until we got to her car. I loaded it all into the trunk for her. She said thank YOU and kissed me on the cheek. Just as this happened, my overweight and underachieving boss ran out and yelled get back to work and some other shit I couldn’t make out. YADA YADA YADA! I laughed because it sounded more like a YODLE. I responded ‘YES Sir’ while I think to myself what a jerk he is. I’m sure my YEARLY review next week isn’t going to go so well. I straightened out and wiped off my apron, held my head high, and pushed my cart back into the grocery store. Back into the produce section, to finish unloading all the YUKON potatoes in my cart we just got shipped today. Work sucks, but that night, minimum wage never felt so good.